I should probably write two entries this morning: one for last night and one for tonight. Tonight, I’ll be at a sleep over with the performing arts troupe I joined. I’d tell you more about the troupe, but this novel is about me.

Theme – Er, I added about ½ page to yesterday’s work that I’ll include in today’s word count.

I’m feeling a bit sick, by the way. Sure hope I don’t have H1N1.

So my theme is that some people are “depressed,” “lonely,” “lost,” and “confused” – and that’s ok! My theme is that the world is defined by men, who value different things in identity than women and that if women do not hold onto their own characters, even as they try to navigate this male-centric world, they may gain independence from men at the expense of their own personalities. My theme is that there is no such thing as independence, that it is no more real than democracy, justice or beauty. My theme is that these are all ideals – and that as ideals, they DO NOT EXIST. Further, the “definitions” we have of these ideals were, for the most part, written by men. They are gender-biased. They are better than nothing, for sure, but we should not take them as authoritative.

In this world, how is it possible for a thinking female not to be “depressed,” “lonely,” “lost” and “confused”? How about a thinking female who is denied an education?

What happens when you put brooms on a Mazarati and turn it into a street sweeper? Engine problems? The brooms look ridiculous on such a sleek, built for speed vehicle, not to mention that the car is so low to the ground that it actually hinders its ability to the job you are trying to make it do? If the car had a heart, would it not be depressed, lonely, lost – confused?

My mother was a Mazarati. I know waaaayyyy too many Mazaratis: people, who, for whatever reason, have been hindered in their development, turned into bonzai’s; some, still managing to look interesting while others are complete, ridiculous failures. Who is the real failure: the bonsai-Mazarati-street-sweepers or the leaders - people who control other people - who do not acknowledge and nurture the abilities of their underlings?

To be cont…